Update #1: The follow up to “The Gospel According to Chubby.” is in the works! It is the second of a two book series and will be available for pre-order in November of 2012 and fully in your hands for Jan 1st, 2013.

…More details to arrive soon..in the meantime, its back to work.

While packing up for an evening session I struck up a conversation with a rather hesitant youth leader from North Carolina. He said that while he was passing by earlier, he overheard me sharing my testimony with another leader and he felt lead to share with me a story of one of his youths.
He went on to say that earlier this year one of the males in his group came forward to him after years of sexual abuse as a young child. The student recalled how his mother would always refer to him as being such a cute kid, so when the abuse started, he began to eat as much as he possibly could in order to gain weight. The leader went on to explain that the student’s thought process was to gain as much weight as possible in the hopes that if the cuteness went away, so would the abuse.

The leader concluded by stating that while a series of events has ended the student’s physical abuse, the student has created a situation where he is about to enter adulthood morbidly obese. He wanted to know my thoughts on how he could help his student and what he could possibly say. I shared my thoughts with him and I would like to share them with you.

First: Unfortunately, the more I speak with people the more common I find that stories like this exist. While there is nothing good about the occurrence, it does help to remind people that they are not alone. One of the worst feelings while going through anything traumatic is isolation, so I encouraged him to just be open and listen.

Second. Addressing emotional obesity does not have an overnight solution. Emotions, like the weight itself, take time to compound and as such will take time to deconstruct. With that in mind…

(Third)…the only way true deconstruction, or healing, can occur is with the relevant influence of Jesus Christ. I know how “churchy” that sounds, but the bottom line with any abusive or addictive situation is the reality that it is surrounded with darkness and the only way to alleviate that darkness is to add light. But I feel that light in a spiritual sense needs to be administered in the way that it does in the physical sense.
What I mean is that most people (myself included) while waking up from sleeping do not like to go from pitch black to 130 watts. Most people get the light that comes in through the window….then maybe they go to the bathroom and they use that light to illuminate the room and then once they have woken up or come to a place where they are ready to receive the light, then the 130 watt overhead can be flipped on. Just not first thing.

I concluded my thought with him by stating that while # 3 is where we all should strive to be, the arrival to and subsequent travel through #1 and #2 are different for everyone. What is paramount, is that we all strive to show the world Christ’s light through our lives, our decisions, and most importantly, through our reactions to life’s everyday diversions.

The deeper we get into the obesity crisis in America the more we will realize that it is no longer a caloric input vs. caloric output battle. This is a battle of the heart. It’s a battle that needs to leave yesterday behind and acknowledge that today is the new tomorrow. Philippians 3:13-14

However, once medical authorities got involved, things became a little more serious. I’ll allow the words of my first grade physical speak for themselves

“Six-year-old male, mildly obese. This is due in part to snacking. Parents also aware. Dieting since February, three meals, afternoon fruit snack, NO CANDY… Some teasing at school seems to tolerate well. Please advise nutritional awareness.”
Feeling that my baby fat might have less to do with the baby and more to do with my eating habits, the next few years became a tug and war over caloric supremacy. My parents did their best to monitor my eating and control my outside options by limiting my allowance, but one of the tragedies of life is that sometimes smart parents raise smart kids

Pride, summer and my first middle school physical all came together to catch the attention of the nurse who wasn’t amused by my girth to age ratio. She took a few notes and wanted to speak directly to my parents about my weight. After an inconclusive conversation about what was causing my childhood obesity, they all decided that testing for a faulty thyroid would be the best option to rule out any medical conditions. I was screwed. I knew how much I was lying to my parents about what I was eating. I knew how far I would ride my bike out of the way to obtain snacks. I knew the friends I made just so I could eat over their house without my parents knowing.

The medical tests knew also

Once the results came back that the only thing wrong with me were my eating habits and my waning desire to tell the truth about them, my parents brought parental furry.

My allowance was the first thing to go, next, my caloric freedom. I was placed into diet after diet. Every calorie was counted and every action was monitored. My parents were through with their son making a mockery of their weight loss attempts. So they thought.

My father, a psychologist, on numerous occasions would suggest I take up a hobby of some sort to divert my mind from my destructive eating behaviors. So I did……sort of. I convinced my parents that a baseball card collection would be a creative approach to divert my attention from my dieting. We even made a plan where I could earn more baseball cards if I ate well (in their eyes). What I failed to mention was my plan to siphon any cards of worth from my collection and pawn them off to the highest bidder. From those funds, I would take a portion of the income generated from the valuable cards and replace the one of value with two or three cards of minimal worth. I could then take the profit and invest in the eating habits oh which I desired. With that system intact, the volume of my collection increased as did the side account designed to afford my caloric needs.

Within 6 months I was back to my normal eating habits and things were going quite well. I was in full control of my caloric intake and started to expand my deceptive behaviors. It approached a fever pitch as my family and I went to visit my uncle one summer. With the successes of my other portfolio endeavors, I figured that spreading the family wealth might be an obtainable goal. My uncle had a baseball card collection that was massive. So massive in fact, I figured that he would have no idea if only a few cards were missing. So I took my chances by stealing as many inserts and rookie doubles as I possibly could without looking obvious. As calculated as I felt my actions were, my 12 year old intellect fell short and within a few hours of the heist, I had to return the stolen goods.

After that, my parents were not sure how to handle the situation. On one hand, they knew that my physical health was in danger; however, they also knew that if I was willing to steal from my family to maintain a legal addition, what would I do if they stopped me again? For the next few years they backed off their caloric restrictions and I spiraled even further out of control. While happy in the moment, I was miserable physically, mentally and socially. I grew depressed; I became recluse and very self defeating. I no longer wanted to live.

Finally on our family vacation to the Jersey Shore, life as I knew it, ended. I will save you the drawn out details, but the short of the story is that amongst a cast of hundreds of spectators during one of the busiest operational days of the year, I shut down a boardwalk go-kart ride for an hour and a half while three staff members tried and failed to secure me into the “husky” sized go-kart.

I was broken. The next few days were mired with suicidal contemplations and the chilling realization that there was nowhere else to run. I came back from vacation and committed myself to weight loss and turning my life around. It worked out nicely as I lost over 120 within the next year….only to gain it all back and then some over the course of the next 4 years.

I will never forget the day when God’s still and quiet voice became so audible that I could no longer ignore it. I was in my room preparing to lead worship for our college fellowship when I somehow brought my acoustic guitar down at such an angle that the body of the guitar pinched my stomach between itself and my belt buckle.

After feeling the warm sensation of bruising and almost instantaneous swelling, I put the guitar down to survey the damage. As I lifted up my shirt, all of my focus was immediately drawn to the giant bruise that had amassed from all of the broken blood vessels and “rock” trauma. I stared at my reflection for a moment. Reaching across my chest, I began to trace the fat creases and skin folds that had redeveloped. I looked up a little further and grabbed a piece of chest that for the past three years developed into a pectoral, but had now diminished back into moobage.

I turned 180 degrees to get a side perspective. My heart stopped beating. I could not believe how far over my pants I allowed my stomach to protrude. I looked down in hopes that at least I would still have visual contact with my feet. Instead of seeing a blue pair of skate shoes, all I could see was the pasty complexion of cellulite and failure. With a crackling voice I looked to the heavens and yelled
“I quit!”

I further lamented with….

“I know that ministry needs to occur. The problem is this lord, in this state, I’m not 100% sure that I should be the one doing it. I mean, doesn’t it seem hypocritical that I go out suggesting there are more responsible ways for students to handle their pre-marital relations as well as their perceptions of drug and alcohol use when I lack my own ability to responsibly handle an all-you-can-eat buffet? It just doesn’t seem rational. I’m not saying that I think food is sinful, I need to eat. But the problem I am having is that I keep running to food for all of the things You’re supposed to be providing. I mean, how can I honestly tell people that You are “More than enough”, when I act like I don’t believe it myself? I’m not sure what the solution is, but I feel pretty confident that it does not include me going out and misrepresenting you and Christianity to the masses. “

I continued to stare at the ceiling as I waited for God to speak to me vindicating comfort. What I heard was not what I expected. In the still and quiet way that only God can communicate, he made me realize that the entire time I invited him into my life as savior, I never once gave him room to operate in the areas of my life that I needed saving from.

Where are you today?

Where do you struggle in your life?

Ask yourself honestly, have I given this fully to God… or have I offered it to him and then slowly and incrementally taken it back into my control?

Never forget, redemption is merely one breath away.

It is great that the events which lead to a delayed post are as non-sensical as the topics in the video. Enjoy, because next week, we get a little more serious.